Bernard has a hard time believing that he should be considered an Alpha because he doesn't feel like his size and appearance for the title. He struggles with conforming but ironically that's all he really wants is to fit in but at the same time criticizes the World State and everything that it does. Bernard is human and expresses his internal struggles through his weaknesses such as jealousy, anger, and his self consciousness to fit in when he doesn't look like he does. Bernard wants to so badly fit into a world that he bashes on because he wants to be seen and recognized, which he doesn't feel like he is. When Bernard revives recon guncotton from Lenina and John he finally is starting to get what he's always wanted. He starts conforming to his world but at the same time doesn't realize that he is a hypocrite for bashing on everything that his society stands for. For Bernard to finally be able to conform by being with Lenina and John he doesn't realize he is going against everything that he dislikes about his society. He's blinded by his own desires that he forgets that he wants to be one person but internally thinks he's somebody completely different. So he goes through this constant push and pull effect that confuses not only himself but everyone around him.
It's strange to think that some people can't be who they are because they are afraid of what their society might think of them. That's one key feature in human nature we all judge on another even when we don't realize it, it's just something that we all do. It doesn't necessarily mean we are bad people for thinking we do one thing when in reality we do another and don't even know it. That's how we are programmed. In the book they are put into castes and in our world in a way, so are we. We either are born poor, rich or average and then we can either end up average, rich, or poor. We control our own destiny though and for Bernard he knew what he wanted and who he wanted to be. His thoughts were just different from his actions and he didn't even realize it. Which isn't all his fault because he was born and programmed to be and do one thing while his mind was programmed to go against everything he knew. Bernard was stuck in between being a part of his society and saying he wouldn't be. In reality he was just confused because he didn't know whether to be a part of something he grew up in or go with his thoughts which he didn't know how to control. So he was always stuck in between doing and saying different things that he didn't even know he was doing, which lead him to conforming outwardly but inwardly lost.
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